filing de facto.


{does this happen when a little one climbs into your bed?}

we are off to court again on monday and, per usual, we are not expecting much to happen.

prior to the 4th of july we received notice of this court date, but, this time, the envelope was much larger than usual so i was reticent about opening it. what was inside resulted in my mini freak-out, for it was a request from bm’s lawyer to reinstate family reunification, which had been terminated over a year and a half ago. my mind reeled to the worst possible places, beginning with him having overnight visits (with pretty much a complete stranger) to possibly losing him. it was terrible. the claim was, as bm stated to andrew last time at court, that she had completed all necessary court requirements, but that they were not recorded correctly. it set us into full force motion as to what we could do to protect j from once again having his world disrupted. we decided that we would file for de facto status.

we first learned about de facto from another foster parent in our support group. this is another piece of information that the necessary foster parent classes don’t offer, but a very important piece that a foster parent needs in his/her arsenal. it basically gives the foster parent a voice, being under the assumption that the foster parent is doing what is in the child’s best interests. i have no idea how de facto works in other states, but in california a foster parent can file for de facto after a certain amount of time that he/she has had the child in his/her care. back in april, after bm’s aunt withdrew her name to request adoption of j, the team of social workers said there was no need for us to file de facto. we took their advice, but always had the nagging feeling that it was something we needed to do anyway. this latest hearing, along with the absence of any calls or visits from bm, forced us to take action. there’s always a risk in doing this, for the biological relatives sometimes begin to see the foster parent as adversarial, as trying to take away their child. thus far, we feel we have had a good, although limited, relationship with j’s bm. it will be interesting to see if that changes. we feel good about doing this, like we are doing everything in our power to protect j, and we’ve also heard from the social worker that the classes in question were not court-approved.

truth be told, i very rarely think of losing j. every day is a blessing with this child, and he fits in so perfectly with us that i can’t even fathom him not being here. i have every faith that things will work out.



Filed under adoption, foster care

4 responses to “filing de facto.

  1. klarobinson215

    I’m sure everything will work out perfectly for you and your son. What an adorable photo!

  2. best of luck to you!

  3. Miranda

    I love your outlook. Please keep us posted on how things go on Friday. Praying for you guys! 🙂

  4. I would have freaked out as well w/ the info in the envelope. So good that you had that advice to file! many thoughts, prayers and good vibes are being sent your way!!

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